You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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