Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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