just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
