apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
