a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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