"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
