I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
