I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
