Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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