I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
