Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
