Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
