I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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