i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
