My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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