What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
