Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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