well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
