im six kinds of drunk right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
