Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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