Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
