Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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