Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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