are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
