I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
