she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
