maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
