She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
