im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
