That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
