Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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