I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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