you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
