I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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