Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
