I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
