How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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