i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
