he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
