That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
