there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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