ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
