ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
