I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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