maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
