tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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