i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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