She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
