I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
