I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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