Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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